Messages
by erdi99
Summary: A grief stricken Steph starts sending Ranger text messages
1. Chapter 1

"The number you have dialled is currently unavailable, you can leave a message after the tone" I quickly hang up. All I wanted is to hear his voice, something different to the one he left me, but I should have known he wouldn't have a personalized voicemail. This is Ranger we are talking about, the man of a few words. You probably asking yourself how could I have not known this, but you have to understand that he never let my calls go to voicemail. Whatever he was doing, he always picked up and now he can't do that anymore and I am left with a generic voicemail and his goodbye message on my phone.

My eyes are blurry as I look at his number in my phone log, when I finally remove it from my ear. I am not only drunk, but I have also been crying, something I have done a lot lately. Ever since I was told that he did not make his regular check ins for the past six months and his handler received Intel that someone matching Ranger's description got made and they have now officially presumed him dead as of two days ago.

There was a small funeral, with an empty casket and Rangeman held a wake for employees and family only. Well the only family there, were Lester and Julie. Ranger and his parents or extended family don't really get along.

The boys are pushing through it, but I can see the grieve is eating away at them and I don't know how to help, apart from coming into Rangemen everyday and helping out as best as I can, all the while also still catching my own skips.

A tear drops down onto my hand, startling me and making me realize I have been staring of into nothingness yet again. Another thing I have been doing a lot lately. I drop the phone next to me on the bed and drag myself up and to the bathroom. I turn the shower to hot, strip out of my yoga pants, top and underwear and just sit under the spray, not caring that the water is burning my skin slightly. I just sit there and stare at the wall, letting the memories of Ranger and me wash over me. This is the only time I can take them, when I am sitting under the shower. Outside of this place I don't let them get to me, push them so far down, so that I can get on with my everyday things.

I sit there until the water runs cold, dry off and warp myself into my fluffy bathrobe. Thankfully it is still warm, despite it being mid of October, which means I can still leave the heating off. I have the whole day off today and nowhere to be, so the couch and I are going to be the best of friends.

With a startle I sit upright and take in my surroundings. The sun is on the opposite side of the room, which means it is afternoon, which in turn means I slept on the couch for a good few hours. The TV is still running and they are showing PS. I Love you. The one where he writes her all these letters after his death. I wish Ranger had done that, so I would have something to look forward to. I just wish I could speak to him. I just want to hear him say 'Babe' one more time. I want to see him smile and smirk and laugh at me when he finds me in various scenarios after I lose my skip and have to call him for help.

The grief counsellor Tank made us go to, suggested for me to write everything down in letters or a diary to deal with my grief, but I have never been a letter, postcard or diary writing person. I am not even sure I know how to write with pen and paper anymore, apart from my signature. Texting and emailing is more my style.

And then it hits me, I could just sent a text or an email. In a flash I am off the couch and in my bedroom. I snatch my phone of my bed and climb under the covers. I open the messaging app and look at the flashing cursor, not sure what to write. Texting has never been part of our friendship. The only time we'd text would be to let the other know menial stuff like 'Will be at Rangemen in 5' or 'Call you later' or 'Babe'.

So the first thing that comes to mind, I type out _'I miss you'_ and before I can rethink this, I hit sent. A little Icon pops up, which says 'Message sent'.

For the rest of day, I keep looking at my phone, hoping he texts back, but deep down I know that he won't.

 **Message sent: 18th October 18:30**

 _'You won't believe what happened to me today! A skip started throwing doughnuts at Les and me. What waste of perfectly good doughnuts and they were the good kind too. I saw the Dunkin Doughnuts box when I not so gently arrested the guy.'_

I held out two days. Two whole days of checking my phone, because I kept telling myself, he is not going to write back anyways. I kept telling myself that is insane, but I found myself with my phone in my hand more than a dozen times, ready to write him about something outrageous Les said or how Tank and Lula are having fights about the kittens again or how Bobby's last date had so much Botox in her lips that she couldn't even talk. But I didn't message him about any of it, but after the incident today, I couldn't hold out any longer. I just had to, because I knew he would have laughed about it with me.

 **Message sent: 21st October 22:00**

Message sent:

 _'My mother says I look to skinny and made me not one but two pineapple upside down cakes to take home. It is strange to have my mother fuss over me, but I think she can see how much I struggle with you not being here'_

The family dinner tonight was difficult. My parents are aware of what happened to Ranger, but my sister is not. Albert, her and the kids are now living in Miami. Albert got a good job there, and we don't talk as often. But they are in town this week, because Albert has meetings in New York. Val asked about Ranger and Rangemen and I nearly lost it right at the table. Thankfully my mother deflected away from the topic.

 **Message sent: 22nd October 10:00**

 _'How do you stop missing someone? You are gone and I don't know what to do. Today I had trouble even getting out of bed. God I miss you so much it physically hurts'_

It is getting harder and harder not to message him every few hours. It is addicting, like listening to his voicemail over and over again.

"Babe" he sighs 'I am glad I didn't wake you, because I know how you get. I don't want your wrath tonight….I am leaving right now. I am not sure when I will be back, but what mine is yours and you are welcome on seven any time you want. Just...Just try not to go too crazy."

I have listened to that message so many times since he left eight months ago, I lost count.

 **Message sent: 22nd October 17:24**

 _'The Merry men pretend everything is fine, but I know it is not. Tank is struggling with doing your job. He won't go in your office and had Manny bring all the files from yours into his. He misses his best friend.'_

 **Message sent: 22nd October 17:25**

 _'Les is partying hard, losing his way in the party scene. It is not getting out of control yet, but I can tell that if he doesn't pull himself out of this soon, it could end up badly. Bobby is trying to help, but he too is struggling with losing you.'_

 **Message sent: 22nd October 17:26**

 _'Hector has completely shut down. He is hiding away in his office, working like a dog. He still thinks you are alive and trying to find proof. Since I am messaging you, I do not have the heart to tell him to stop, none of us do. We miss you.'_

 **Message sent: 1st November 12:00**

 _'I am sorry, it's been a while, but my phone got drowned when I got pushed into the river. Thankfully my merry men were there to pull me out. At least I had an excuse to use your shower and bed for the night. It all still smells like you. But I lost your voicemail. It wasn't backed up and there is nothing Hector could do to get it back.'_

What I don't message him is that I cried for two days straight. I will never hear his voice again.

 **Message sent: 2nd November 08:00**

 _'I snuck up to seven again yesterday. Hector found me in your closet holding one of your shirts. They still smell like you. How is that possible? You have been gone for so long now.'_

I look around the seventh floor from the front door, clutching my phone in my right hand and take another breath. I am like an addict. I keep coming back for another hit.

"Steph" Bobby says quietly and comes to stand next to me on my left. "Are you okay?"

"No…" I shake my head. "I am not." Next thing I know, I am drawn into his chest, powerful arms locking around me. "I thought, if I message him, if I am in his space it would get easier, but all I am hoping is that he will message me back or barge through the front door demanding to know who is responsible for me hiding on seven again."

"I know...I know" Bobby runs his hand up and down my back. "Give it time. It will get better."

 **Message sent: 2nd November 21:30**

 _'Bobby tells me it will get better, but I don't believe him and I know he doesn't believe it either. All I feel is grieve.'_

 **Message sent: 3rd November 15:32**

 _'Rex died today. After all these years, he has now left me too.'_

I bury my furry friend in my parents backyard, when they are gone for the weekend. I didn't want anyone there. It had to do this on my own.

At this point I am just numb. I don't feel anything anymore, because I just bury all my feeling deep, deep down, unless I am in the shower, then I let them all out. Which is not pretty.

 **Message sent: 4th November 18:45**

 _'The Grief Counsellor told me today, that me messaging you is not healthy and I have to stop, but she is the one who suggested I should write letters. I think Tank may have not vetted her as best as he should have done. Does she even have a degree? I can't stop messaging you, because it means you are gone and I don't want that yet.'_

 **Message sent: 5th November 00:05**

 _'The grief counsellor also wants me to be honest with my feelings for you. Pfft as if. This is our thing. Never admitting our feelings towards each other.'_

 **Message sent: 5th November 00:11**

 _'I can't sleep, as you can tell. I keep thinking: why you had to go on that mission? I told you I had a bad feeling that something was going to happen, when you first told me that you would be leaving soon. Why didn't you listen to me? Should I have tried harder in making you stay?'_

 **Message sent: 5th November 00:30**

 _'Actually scratch that, I know I could not have made you stay. You would have been AWOL and would have gone to prison...but then again prison would be preferable to you being dead. I would have come once a week for a conjugal visit. Do military prisons allow them?'_

 **Message sent: 5th November 04:35**

 _'I have given up sleeping and instead gotten up for a stake out. My skip is Benni the kid. The old nutter has skipped bail again. When will he learn? Probably never, same as I will never stop texting you.'_

 **1st December**

I have kept messaging him menial things over the last month. A gif I found funny and he would have hated, funny skip stories and about the weather. And deep down I try acknowledge that I still wish he would reply.

I look at the Christmas section in Wal-Mart and start smiling. Last year I dragged Ranger with me to pick out a tree for my apartment, all in the pretence that I needed a strong capable man to chop it down and carry it for me, but truth is the Tree Yard Manager is a friend of my dad's and he would have done all that for me if I'd asked him to.

I dragged him around the Christmas Tree Farm for an hour, before settling on the perfect one.

 **Message sent: 1st December 10:00**

 _'Standing in Wal-Mart in front of the Christmas decorations. Even though you grumbled the whole hour we were at the Farm last year, I know you had fun. I saw you smile a few times when you thought I wasn't paying attention to you. Truth is, I just wanted to spend some time with you. You had just come back from a month long tour visiting the other Rangemen locations and I hadn't seen or spoken to you in forever.'_

This is going to be hard going through Christmas and the New Year. My parents are in Miami visiting my sister for the whole month and my grandmother is in the assisted living centre.

 **Message sent: 2nd December 21:09**

 _'The merry men were talking about clearing out your apartment. It's been nearly two months since the funeral and they think it's time. Maybe donate some of the clothes to the homeless shelter, now that is getting cold again. All I wanted to do is shout at them not to do this, but I don't have the right, we were nothing more than friends, something I will regret for the rest of my life. Maybe you would have stayed, if we had been more.'_

Tank stands in front of the apartment door and just stares at it. "I can't do it...fuck I can't do it." I reach for his hand and lace my finger with his giant ones. I squeeze his hand, letting him know he is not alone in this.

Les is leaning next to the front door, looking hangover. He has slowed down the partying and drinking a bit, but only because it was interfering with his work performance.

Bobby is the only one who has managed to cross the threshold. But his shoulders are tense and I can tell he is struggling like the rest of us.

Hector is the only one who is missing. He is still not coming out of his office.

"How do you do it Steph?" Tank whispers almost. "It seems that this hasn't affected you at all? As if he didn't mean anything to you."

I let go of his hand and step away, feeling like I have been slapped in the face. But to be fair, Tank nor Les know that I am messaging Ranger's number or that I scream in my shower in pain every day. And because of that I don't flip my lit. "Don't say that, because you know that is not true. I bury it deep, because if I didn't I wouldn't make it out of bed in the morning. I bury it deep, because you and all the other men are grieving too and you need help. I have my own way of dealing with it."

"I am sorry" Tank looks almost ashamed. "I shouldn't have said that. I am grateful for what you have done in the past few months, but you have to let it out, otherwise it is going to overwhelm you at some point."

 **Message sent: 2nd December 23:58**

 _'We couldn't do it, clear out your apartment I mean. We will try again at some point, but Tank, Bobby and Les are not ready. They aren't ready to let go and neither am I.'_

 **Message sent: 4th December 18:57**

 _'The counsellor is trying to get me to talk about Joe, you and me. She still thinks I am holding back and until I can be honest with myself, she does not see a point of us continuing. She obviously has never been to denial land, because she would understand why I don't want to get out of it.'_

"Hey" a familiar voice behind me says and I turn around with a smile.

"Joe!" I exclaim and give him a hug. "It's been a while."

"It sure has, Cupcake. How are you doing?" I let him go and look at him. New York life suits him.

"Been okay" I shrug. "How have you been?"

"I am not letting you get away with that answer. Come on...beer and pizza on me" He slings an arm around my shoulders and drags me over to the furthest and darkest corner in Pino's, where he knows no one will disturb us. He pushes me into a chair, before coming to sit in the one opposite of me. "So spill, how are you really doing?"

"Been better" I answer truthfully.

"I am sorry about Ranger" Joe says and the look on his face tells me he is being genuine. "Him and me never got along, but he was a decent guy. Could have treated you better, but still he was a decent guy."

"What do you mean he could have treated me better?"

"Come on Steph...all the not so secret kisses in the alleyway while you and I were still together, Hawaii, letting you stay at his place for weeks on end when you had a stalker, but pushing you away the moment he thought you wanted more?...Cupcake, despite him being an alpha male, he was a pussy when it came to you. He should have manned up."

"First of all, Alpha male? Are you reading romance novels now? And secondly, be glad he can't hear you call him a pussy." I smile at Joe. I missed him, as a friend. "I am sorry the way everything went down between us. You too deserved to be better treated."

"Didn't I tell you a few months back to stop apologizing?" He takes a sip of his beer and winks at me. "Water under the bridge. We were never meant to be...shame though you never fessed up to Ranger how you felt."

"It is what it is" I shrug.

 **Message sent: 5th December 03:50**

 _'Joe got me drunk tonight. It was great to see him. He called you a pussy, but please don't tell him I told you so or you know...hit him...I wish Hawaii would have been a start of something great, but instead it caused both of us to withdraw further from the truth.'_

My head is pounding when I wake up at midday. I haven't been this hangover in quite some time. I don't go out anymore and Lula loves to complain about that in great detail. I just can't bring myself to dress up and go out.

When I look around and take in my surroundings, I realize that I am on seven, not in my own apartment. For the longest time I sit there, leaning against his head board taking in his space. I haven't been in the apartment for a few weeks and we only made it to the front door when we intended to clean this place out, but something feels off, something is different.

I get out of bed, realizing that I raided Ranger's closet and slept in one of his Rangemen shirts last night, and start wandering around. When I get to the living room it hits me, the flat no longer smells like him.

"Oh god...oh god nooo" Tears instantly pool in my eyes and start dropping rapidly. My legs give in and I don't even attempt to go to the couch, I just sink down on the floor. Grieve is hitting me hard everywhere, my whole body hurts, my heart aches. The worst kind of pain.

I don't know how long I am lying on the floor, crying, but at some point Bobby walks in, picks me up and brings me back into the bedroom. "Bobby, I ca….I can't...he is gone...he is not coming back." I hold on tight, not letting Bobby move anywhere.

"I am sorry Steph….I am so, so sorry" Bobby sits on the bed, kicks of his shoes, as quickly as he can with me on top of him, before drawing the blanket over both of us.

"It doesn't smell like him anymore...It is gone" I cry and it is not pretty, but I can't hold it in any longer. "Why didn't he listen when I told him I had a bad feeling about this? Why did he had to go?"

 **Message sent: 7th December 19:00**

 _'I am sorry that I have been MIA...it's been a couple of difficult days, which I spend crying my eyes on seven. The apartment doesn't smell like you anymore. It just hit me when I woke up two days ago and god it hurt. The whole place seems empty, like you have left completely now and it breaks me. I miss you so much!'_

 **Message sent: 8th December 11:25**

 _'I feel slightly better after my breakdown. Like a bit of weight has lifted of me. It still hurts and I still miss you, but I am not drowning in it anymore. Maybe Tank was right, I should have let this out long ago.'_

 **Message sent: 10th December 16:26**

 _'We are doing it, cleaning out your apartment. I didn't realize you had so many pictures of the two of us. I am keeping them. I don't ever want to forget you.'_

"We need to sent these to Julie" I stack a box next to the front door, with pictures, letters and mementos. Julie has had a hard time dealing with all of this too. I tried calling her a few times in the past two months, but she just sent me a message asking her to give her space. She said talking to me would be even harder, but Julie didn't explain further.

"I will get it to her" Tank says, when he walks out of the office with a wooden box in hand. "This is for you little girl."

"What is in it?" I ask curiously.

"I do not know, but it was in his safe and had your name on it" He taps the side, where there is indeed my name carved into it.

"Thank you" I nod and place it in the box with the other stuff I am keeping. It already has some of his shirts, shower gel and pictures in it. "What are you going to do with this place?"

"Ranger left specific notes with his attorney to what has to happen to all his assets after his death, we will follow that when we have the meeting in the new year." Tank answers.

"I am surprised it took them this long to reach out. This usually happens right after someone is presumed dead."

"Apparently our friend asked them to hold off a few months, to give us time to deal with it all." Tank shrugs and disappears back in the office.

 **Message sent: 11th December 22:45**

 _'What is in the Box, Ranger?'_

 **Message sent: 12th December 13:21**

 _'I can't bring myself to open it. This is my last connection to you and I am not ready'_

 **Message sent: 13th December 09:00**

 _'The Box is just mocking me now. Calling me to open it, but I am afraid what I will find when I do. Why did you do this to me?'_

 **24th December**

It is Christmas eve and the Box has been sitting under that tree since I put him up. I grab the cheap bottle of wine from my table, not bothering with a glass, and take a couple of sips. Liquid courage.

I pull it over, take a deep breath and open it. There are a couple of small jewellery boxes in there, a stack of passports, a few documents and an envelope.

I grab the passports first and open each one of them. One is Mexican, one Cuban, there is an English and Russian one too and all of them have my picture in it. Each name is different and the birth years vary too.

I grab my phone.

 **Message sent: 24th December 21:35**

 _'You made me fake passports? Was that really necessary?'_

Next comes the documents, which I realize are marriage certificates, matching the passports.

 **Message sent: 24th December 21:41**

 _'You got us fake married?'_

When I open the jewellery boxes, my breath catches. "Oh Ranger". In one of the boxes are two rings, a beautiful multi band engagement ring, with one big centre stone in silver and rose gold. The other ring looks like a wedding ring, which is a simple rose gold and silver band, with a date engraved. It takes me a minute to realize, that engraved in that ring is the date we met at Pino's all those years ago.

The tears are falling now and I open the second box. A beautiful Pandora bracelet with multiple charms attached and one of them being batman and wonder woman.

 **Message sent: 24th December 22:45**

 _'I have been sitting here staring at the rings for the better part of the last hour. They are beautiful, despite them being for my fake identities.'_

I grab the envelope and carefully open it. A picture of me and Ranger falls out and on the back is written _'My biggest regret is never being honest with you and telling you how I really feel'_.

There is nothing else in the envelope, just that picture. I turn it around and smile, despite the sadness consuming me. This was taken at the Rangemen summer party last year. Ranger had rented a house at Point Pleasant for the weekend and this was taken the last night there. I know, because I was wearing Ranger's oversized jumper.

 ** _Flashback_**

"Come closer" and before I can answer him, he grabs my arm, pulls me out of my seat and onto his lap. His smile is easy and his eyes look carefree. "Don't worry about the others" He adds when I look around worriedly.

"You are drunk" I comment and his smile widens.

"Nope, only had a couple, so let's call it mildly tipsy." He answers, making me laugh.

"Tipsy? That is a word I thought I would never hear come out your mouth."

"It describes perfectly how I am feeling right now" He pulls me even closer and whispers in my ear "Relax Babe." I look around again and when I realize everyone is engrossed in their own conversations, I relax into him and lean my head on his shoulder. "There you go."

When I shiver, he pushes me away slightly, strips of his hoodie and draws it over my head, not caring that I have a beer in my hand. "HEY" I exclaim, but only can hear and feel him chuckle. With my free hand, I pull my head out the top and my hand through one arm, before switching the beer to the other hand, to draw that one through too. Thanks to him, my bun has come loose and I bet I look like a mess, but instead of caring about my hair, he pulls me back into him.

"Suits you far better than me" He murmurs and kisses the top of my head. In this one moment, the world is perfect.

 ** _End of Flashback_**

The picture was taken when I pulled my head of out of the hoodie, glaring at him, while Ranger is spotting this amused smile on his face. But his eyes show nothing but love. It is the perfect picture, taken just at the right moment.

 **Message sent: 24th December 23:24**

 _'As you can tell I opened the box. I have no words, which is a first for me."_

 **Message sent: 31st December 23:56**

 _'It has taken me until now to think of something to say. I am sorry we were never honest with each other, I am sorry we never got to have our someday. It is almost midnight and I think it is time I am letting you go. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but I need to move on. With this box you have given me the closure I needed.'_

 **Message sent: 31st December 23:59**

 _'I will never forget you Carlos. I love you. Forever yours, Babe'_

I start the New Year of crying to sleep, missing the man I love like crazy, but also knowing that I have to move on. I have to let go.


	2. Chapter 2

_Unfortunately I do not have time at the moment to answer all of your comments, but I like to thank all of you for taking your time and reading this. It means a lot!_

 _It does kinda make me happy that I made you cry...is that a bit sardistic? Possibly ;)_

 _Anything in Italics in this chapter is supposed said in Spanish_

 **16th October**

I pry my eyes open, but I am once again greeted with a barely lit barn, which has been my prison for a long time. I wouldn't be able to tell you how long, because I have lost count of the days. I am chained naked to a metal chair, which is fixed to the concrete ground. Unmovable, I have tried.

There is hay in various corners of the room, an old dismantled tractor to the far left of me and empty stalls behind me. Through the cracks in the wood, I can see the sun coming up yet again.

I take a deep breath and regret it immediately. They broke my ribs again. There is dried blood sticking to my left eyebrow and my jaw is sore, from where he hit me. My shoulder joints are aching, because they haven't been moved around for a while, as I have been chained to this fucking chair since I got here. My wrists are sore too, thanks to the multiple handcuffs.

In the beginning, they were on me constantly, now they only come in every few days, when I have healed up a bit, before injuring me again. They know that I am a Soldier, know my fake real name, Mathew Rodriguez, too, and are aware that pulling fingernails or severing limbs will not make me talk

I shift slightly in my chair, which has a hole in the bottom, so I can go to the 'toilet' and every few days they would hose me down. Which means there is no need to move me anywhere, which also means for me that there is no escape window.

My hair and beard have grown out and are itchy as hell. If I was to torture someone, I would do it the same way.

The door suddenly pops open and Hernando, a big, burly Venezuelan enforcer for the Cartel of the Suns and my original mark, strides into the room. I still don't know how he made me, unless someone within the US Government leaked my information.

" _Your phone has been inactive the whole time we have held you here….until now_ " A smirk comes over his face and he holds the device up for me to see. **'I miss you'** _._ I make use of all of my training at once to keep my face blank and my heart rate under control.

One thing I note is the date and time stamp on the message. 16th October, which means I have been here for six months. As no one has come to rescue me, the US government would have officially pronounced me dead by now. Which means Babe is sending this to a presumed dead man.

" _So who sent is this?_ " He questions casually and pockets the phone. Never have I been more glad that I got Hector to encrypt Steph's messages, who get sent through multiple servers and phone numbers, or so I have been told. Thankfully my captors would not be able to respond to the message, because you need to text the original number, which I do not have saved on the phone, but in my head. " _So someone is out there missing you, it is only a matter of time, before we will find out who it is and bring them here too._ "

I don't answer. I keep still and my eyes trained on him. I always watch, looking for a way out, but this guy is good, but no one is as good as me. At some point he will slip up and I will be there to use it as my advantage.

 **18th October**

 **'You won't believe what happened to me today! A skip started throwing doughnuts at Les and me. What waste of perfectly good doughnuts and they were the good kind too. I saw the Dunkin Doughnuts box when I not so gently arrested the guy.'**

I can imagine her face when the skip threw doughnuts at her. It makes me want to laugh, but I keep my face impassive again.

" _Matt, Matt, Matt...what am I going to do with you? Sooner or later this has to end and you will have to give me something or I will have to kill you._ " Hernando says, leaning against a wooden pole in the barn with a smirk on his face.

" _You could have killed me six month ago, but you haven't yet, why is that?_ " My guess is that he and his buddies are trying to make a name for themselves within the Cartel and took me on a hunch. My fake identity, the one I used to get an in with him was solid, but something or someone must have tipped them off, so they discovered the cover Identity I came into the country with.

They won't kill me, because then they will have squad. They need me to talk to be able to get a better position within the cartel.

" _I just like your company_ " Hernando shrugs and walks out.

 **22nd October**

 **'The Merry men pretend everything is fine, but I know it is not. Tank is struggling with doing your job. He won't go in your office and had Manny bring all the files from yours into his. He misses his best friend.'**

 **'Les is partying hard, losing his way in the party scene. It is not getting out of control yet, but I can tell that if he doesn't pull himself out of this soon, it could end up badly. Bobby is trying to help, but he too is struggling with losing you.'**

 **'Hector has completely shut down. He is hiding away in his office, working like a dog. He still thinks you are alive and trying to find proof. Since I am messaging you, I do not have the heart to tell him to stop, none of us do. We miss you.'**

It hurts to read this. Everyone is having a hard time dealing with my death and that is the last thing I ever wanted. It wasn't meant to be this way. A quick in and out they said, get there in January be out within a month. Just do some surveillance to gather Intel for the Venezuelan government, the ones which are not corrupt. Instead, the mission got extended, I got the cover Identity and was told to start working with Hernando. In April they snatched me of the street and brought me here.

Every time Hernando comes into the Barn I hope he will show me more messages, but the rational part of me hope that Steph will stop writing. The more she writes and reveals, the easier it will be for them to find her.

" _So now we have three more names….this is better than I anticipated._ " Hernando grins. They haven't touched me in days. This has to be their new plan and I can't do anything about it but wait.

 **1st November**

 **'I am sorry, it's been a while, but my phone got drowned when I got pushed into the river. Thankfully my merry men were there to pull me out. At least I had an excuse to use your shower and bed for the night. It all still smells like you. But I lost your voicemail. It wasn't backed up and there is nothing Hector could do to get it back.'**

An image pops in my head, of Steph lying in my bed when she had a stalker last year. It is burned into my mind forever and I regret that I didn't join her, but instead did the gentleman thing and slept on the couch. That feeling of pure happiness when I came home and saw her spread out on my bed, deep asleep, I tried hard to push deep, deep down. I don't deserve happiness. I pushed her away plenty of times and she should be with a better man than me. And yet I wish I could come home to that sight every night.

" _So a woman...she must be really close to you, if she has access to your place, even though you are not there._ " Hernando comments and looks down on me.

I don't say anything, just glare at him until he starts laughing. " _Oh, you think you will get out of this before we find her? Not a chance._ " And with that he leaves me alone to think about Steph falling into the Delaware yet again. I wonder what happened this time? If my men were there, it means they either followed her there or they were there with her to begin with.

 **6th November**

Hernando hasn't been in for a while and I overheard the guards talking outside that he was called to Guayana City and wouldn't be back for a couple of days. My guess is that we are somewhere in the east of Venezuela in the forest. When they snatched me of the street in Valencia, I was shoved into a van and we drove for quite some time.

" _Ah it is good to be home, I bet you missed me_ " Speaking of the devil. Hernando walks in, with a grin on his face and my phone in hand. " _These came while I was away._ " He holds the phone up for me to see. " _Your woman should really be told how to encrypt her messages. These are far to revealing_."

 **'I snuck up to seven again yesterday. Hector found me in your closet holding one of your shirts. They still smell like you. How is that possible? You have been gone for so long now.'**

 **'Bobby tells me it will get better, but I don't believe him and I know he doesn't believe it either. All I feel is grieve.** _'_

 **'Rex died today. After all these years, he has now left me too.'**

 **'The Grief Counsellor told me today, that me messaging you is not healthy and I have to stop, but she is the one who suggested I should write letters. I think Tank may have not vetted her as best as he should have done. Does she even have a degree? I can't stop messaging you, because it means you are gone and I don't want that yet.'**

 **'The grief counsellor also wants me to be honest with my feelings for you. Pfft as if. This is our thing. Never admitting our feelings towards each other.'**

 **'I can't sleep, as you can tell. I keep thinking: why you had to go on that mission? I told you I had a bad feeling that something was going to happen, when you first told me that you would be leaving soon. Why didn't you listen to me? Should I have tried harder in making you stay?'**

 **'Actually scratch that, I know I could not have made you stay. You would have been AWOL and would have gone to prison...but then again prison would be preferable to you being dead. I would have come once a week for a conjugal visit. Do military prisons allow them?'**

 **'I have given up sleeping and instead gotten up for a stake out. My skip is Benni the kid. The old nutter has skipped bail again. When will he learn? Probably never, same as I will never stop texting you.'**

" _My favourite part is the where she says she would have come for conjugal visits each week._ " My captor turns the phone towards him. " _Depending on what she looks like I would love for her to come and visit me. I could show her a better time than you ever could._ " He grabs his dick through his pants and it takes everything in me not to react. All he wants is to get a rise out of me and it will be a cold day in hell before that happens. " _I suppose we will find out when I find her…..so much information in these texts...not long now_."

Keep quiet Ranger, keep quiet. Nothing good comes from opening your mouth and threatening him. You need to get out of here.

" _I would text her back and invite her, but since she seems to know you well, me writing her will just tip her off….so I am just gonna let them keep coming. The more information she will reveal, the easier it is for me to find her_." With that parting statement, he leaves the barn.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes to calm down. She has lost the little rat and I wish I could be there for her, help her through it.

That counsellor is right, it cannot be healthy for her to message me, but it is the only thing that is keeping them from injuring me. The longer these text last, the healthier I will get and I will find a way out of here and back to her. Just so I can finally admit my feelings for her.

 **1st December**

 **'Standing in Wal-Mart in front of the Christmas decorations. Even though you grumbled the whole hour we were at the Farm last year, I know you had fun. I saw you smile a few times when you thought I wasn't paying attention to you. Truth is, I just wanted to spend some time with you. You had just come back from a month long tour visiting the other Rangemen locations and I hadn't seen or spoken to you in forever.'**

I remember that that day vividly. Yes, I did grumble the whole time we were there, but seeing the joy it brought her, I happily chopped down the tree and dragged it back to my SUV. I could have easily told her no that day, told her I had more important things to do, but like her I just wanted to spend some time with my Babe after returning from the trip.

" _That was very sweet of you...going with her Christmas tree shopping...and ohhh look what she revealed. Rangemen locations...let me look this up real quick._ " I am so glad my picture is not on our website or on any website for that matter. Hec made sure of that or I would be toast right about now. " _Mhh a Security firm, interesting. Time for my IT guys to get cracking then._ "

With a big smirk he walks out, leaving me hoping that Hector's online security is as good as he always boasts about.

 **3rd December**

 **'The merry men were talking about clearing out your apartment. It's been nearly two months since the funeral and they think it's time. Maybe donate some of the clothes to the homeless shelter, now that is getting cold again. All I wanted to do is shout at them not to do this, but I don't have the right, we were nothing more than friends, something I will regret for the rest of my life. Maybe you would have stayed, if we had been more.'**

 **'We couldn't do it, clear out your apartment I mean. We will try again at some point, but Tank, Bobby and Les are not ready. They aren't ready to let go and neither am I.'**

 **"** _So did you friend zone her or did she friend zone you?_ **"** Hernando questions with a bemused look on his face. His IT guys must not be very good if they haven't found anything on me yet. It's been two days, if the time stamp on the phone is correct.

It makes me happy that they haven't cleared out my apartment yet. I know it is not because they believe I am alive and it is because they are having a hard time dealing with my absence. But it still makes me happy that they are still holding on. I am not forgotten this easily. Twisted and petty I know.

 **5th December**

 **'The counsellor is trying to get me to talk about Joe, you and me. She still thinks I am holding back and until I can be honest with myself, she does not see a point of us continuing. She obviously has never been to denial land, because she would understand why I don't want to get out of it.'**

 **'Joe got me drunk tonight. It was great to see him. He called you a pussy, but please don't tell him I told you so or you know...hit him...I wish Hawaii would have been a start of something great, but instead it caused both of us to withdraw further from the truth.'**

" _So who is Joe, her boyfriend? Are you secretly in love with her, but she loves another person?_ " Is it just me or does he sound way too excited about reading these, beyond information gathering? Has he become as addicted to these messages as much as I have? " _I have to agree with this Joe guy, you are a pussy._ "

He is trying to bait me again, but I am still staying quiet. I can feel that my ribs are almost back to normal, which means that the only thing that is missing is a way out. Just something about Steph's way of writing that makes me think that these messages are going to end soon and I have to find a way out before that.

 **15th December**

The window of opportunity happened a couple of days ago. Hernando has left again and instead one of his minions showed up to hose me down and feed me. By chance he dropped the fork from my dinner when he pulled the plate away and forgot to pick it up before he hosed me down. Thanks to the water stream, the fork landed right by my left foot. I hid it and with a lot of acrobatic like movements, which hurt like hell since my muscles haven't had any work out, I was able to get the fork into my bound hands when the guard left.

I am just working on getting it into the right angle, when the door of the barn flies open and Hernando walks in. It is the middle of the night and he must have just come back from wherever he was. " _Missed me?_ " He grins and starts reading out loud the new messages, while I keep trying to get the fork into the lock.

 **'I am sorry that I have been MIA...it's been a couple of difficult days, which I spend crying my eyes out on seven. The apartment doesn't smell like you anymore. It just hit me when I woke up two days ago and god it hurt. The whole place seems empty, like you have left completely now and it breaks me. I miss you so much!'**

That hits me right in the heart. I don't want my Babe to be crying, I want her happy and carefree, like she has always been. It hurts to hear this.

 **'I feel slightly better after my breakdown. Like a bit of weight has lifted of me. It still hurts and I still miss you, but I am not drowning in it anymore. Maybe Tank was right, I should have let this out long ago.'**

 **'We are doing it, cleaning out your apartment. I didn't realize you had so many pictures of the two of us. I am keeping them. I don't ever want to forget you.'**

Will I have any clothes to wear when I get home? I feel the fork slide into the lock and relief floods through me. I jiggle it around and next thing I know, the first cuff loosens. Only three more to go. Thankfully the chain is around the middle of the cuffs, not my arms as well.

 **'What is in the Box, Ranger?'**

Second cuff is loose and I carefully lower it, so I won't alert Hernando, who is pacing while he is reading, not paying attention to me at all.

 **'I can't bring myself to open it. This is my last connection to you and I am not ready'**

 **'The Box is just mocking me now. Calling me to open it, but I am afraid what I will find when I do. Why did you do this to me?'**

" _So what is in the box?_ " Hernando questions and I am momentarily confused what he is talking about, because I did not pay attention to what he was saying, rather than his movements and unlocking these cuff. I only have one more to go and then I am free. " _I am intrigued_."

" _Nothing you should know about_ " I go with the most vague answer, which in turn earns me a slap to the face and I almost drop the fork. " _Have your IT people found anything yet?_ " I try to distract him.

" _Nothing yet, had to go to the city and get myself some better ones. Just a matter of hours now._ " He responds, so sure of himself. I make quick work of the last pair of cuffs and wait until he is close to me, before I grab him, cover his mouth and stab the fork into his neck. The blood goes everywhere covers me pretty much from head to toe, making me hope that this asshole did not have HIV.

Hernando struggles, but even in my weakened state, after being chained to this chair for eight months straight, I am still stronger than him. I pull the fork out and stab him again and again. Within minutes his body goes limp and he is dead.

I push his body on the floor and carefully stand, only to sink right back down. My muscles have not been used in a long while and they are all weak. But If I want to make it out of here alive, I need to be able to walk. After a few tries I am able to stand and carefully walk around. It is better than nothing.

I strip Hernando out of his clothes and shoes and pull them on as quickly as I can. I grab my phone, type in a secure phone number and hit dial.

"I KNEW IT" Hector exclaims. "Got your location."

"Hack into whatever you have to and tell me what I am dealing with outside this barn" I order and curse Hernando six ways to Sunday, that he doesn't have a gun on him.

"On it" Hector says and in the background I can hear his office door opening with a bang.

"Ranger?" Tank's voice is laced with surprise, relief and a whole lot of unsureness, which I will give him shit for later.

"Here" I respond and make my way over to the back door of the barn. "Hec?"

I am sure there are a lot of things Hector or Tank want to say right about now, but instead they only focus on getting me out of here. "South side is clear. Go."

I quietly open the door, look left and right before walking out. The moon is out, no cloud is in the sky and I have a clear view of the whole property. "We see you" I hear Tank say and move towards the motorcycle, which is sitting just a few meters away from where I am standing.

"We will follow you, keep your phone where you can see it. I will send you updates." Hec says and Tank adds "We will meet you in a few hours."

"Roger that." To my unexpected joy, the key is in the ignition and it has a mobile phone mound on it. I suppose they didn't think I would ever get out. Not wasting any time, I put my phone the mound, strap on the helmet which is hanging from the handle and turn on the ignition. Another surprise is that the tank is full. Apparently today is my lucky day.

In under two second I mound the bike and fly down the uneven road.

* * *

It doesn't take me as long as I thought it would to make it to Guayana City. By the time I reach it, my tank is almost empty and I have to find a way to fill it up. I can't stay here, who knows how many are of these people work for the cartel and would be alerted from the men in the mountain, even though I still think Hernando and his goons were not acting on cartel orders. They were holding me for far too long. Keeping me alive too. It is just not the cartels usual MO.

I pick up my phone, which I realized Hernando must have kept on charge, because the battery is at 80% and dial Hector again. "I gotta get to Caracas. It is too dangerous to stay here."

"I agree. Satellite shows that several vehicles have left the compound. My guess is that they discovered you missing." I hear him typing in the background, before he says "1k down the street from you is a petrol station."

"I hate to point out the obvious, but I do not have any cash on me." I really try to keep the annoyance out of my voice, but have a hard time doing so. I just want to get out of here in one piece.

"Just go and let me do the rest." he says and hangs up on me in typical Rangeman fashion. Babe would flip her lit if he had heard him do that.

As told, I make my way to the petrol station and I get a text from Hector to turn of the engine when I drive in because the night guard is sleeping (how he know that is beyond me) and to use the left pump as it doesn't have any coverage from video surveillance. It really must be my lucky day.

It doesn't take me long to refill and in no time I am out of there.

If it wasn't for the circumstances, I would enjoy the drive, because Venezuela is a beautiful country.

* * *

"Holy hell" Les exclaims and draws me into a big hug, as soon as I step of the bike at Caracas airport. My whole body is aching from driving seven hours, only stopping for gas, but I made it, without any trouble. And I won't ever admit how relieved I am to be hugged by Lester. "Cuz, you smell" Les pushes me away and scrunches his nose up, before he takes me in form head to toe.

I cannot help the smile that comes to my lips. "How did you get here so fast?"

"Captain Manoso, it is good to have you back." Cornell Leigh steps out of the hanger with a smile on his face.

"Good to be back, Sir." I nod and salute him.

"At ease soldier. We will fly you to DC hospital where you will be de-briefed as well. Then you can return home." The Cornell informs me. "Please hand me your phone and any other mobile device you have on you."

"I need that" I grip my phone tightly, not wanting to lose the connection with Steph. I need to call her, I need to tell her that I am alive.

"You know the Protocol, Soldier. You will get it back once we are done."

"He is in a great deal of emotional stress Cornell. Go easy on him" I hear Bobby say, before the whole world blacks out.

 **1st January**

"It really would be best if…" The Doctor says, but I rip the paperwork out of her hands and hand it to Bobby.

"The patient will not be staying on" Bobby tells her instead of me and signs on the dotted line. "I will take care of him at home." That is what best friends are for. Also it helps that they know he is a Doctor.

I have been cleared of any and all diseases and been given the clean bill of health. There is no way I am staying so they can assess my emotional state. My emotional state will become highly unstable if I have to go another day without seeing my Babe.

"I hear you are breaking out" Cornell Leigh rounds the corner with a bag of my personal items in hand.

"We are done here. We are done in general, if I am correct?" I question with a raised eyebrow, earning me a sideways glance from my friends, who have stayed by my side this past two weeks. They were also ordered not to tell anyone that I am alive, until the Army got their story straight, which means Steph still doesn't know I am alive and well.

"That is correct. It was your last mission and you are released from your duties. I wish you would reconsider Soldier. I hate losing an Asset such as yourself." My former handler says and hands me the bag. I instantly rip into it and pull out my phone. I was not allowed to contact anyone while I was being de-briefed, but that ended this morning, so nothing now stops me from getting back to my Babe.

"Cold day in hell before I return back to active duty, Sir. No Offence" I say and turn on the phone. It instantly beeps with multiple messages.

 **'You made me fake passports? Was that really necessary?'**

 **'You got us fake married?'**

 **'I have been sitting here staring at the rings for the better part of the last hour. They are beautiful, despite them being for my fake identities.'**

 **'As you can tell I opened the box. I have no words, which is a first for me."**

It is the last two that hit me the hardest:

 **'It has taken me until now to think of something to say. I am sorry we were never honest with each other, I am sorry we never got to have our someday. It is almost midnight and I think it is time I am letting you go. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but I need to move on. With this box you have given me the closure I needed.'**

 **'I will never forget you Carlos. I love you. Forever yours, Babe'**

"I gotta go" I stand up, grab my leather jacket and without saying another word, I leave the room.

"Chopper is waiting on the roof" Tank states when I round the corner.

"How did you manage that?" I raise an eyebrow at him in question.

"He appealed to the Cornell's soft heart." Les smirks and I just shake my head.

"You promised him a date with Hector?" Bobby laughs behind me.

"They hit it off at the Rangemen Summer Party this year, so why the hell not." Tank shrugs, making me laugh too. I have to get the story from them another time. All I want to do is see a certain crazy haired woman.

* * *

An hour and a half later, I stand in front of Babe's door, contemplating whether to use my key or just knock. Who am I kidding, I am using the key, even though she still thinks after all these years that I pick the lock every time.

I walk into her flat and close the door softly behind me. It is 9 am in the morning and I assume she is still sleeping, if Babe doesn't have to get up early, she sleeps till noon. I shrug out of my jacket, before I round the corner to her bedroom, only to quickly dug back into the hallway, because she fired her gun at me.

"Babe, what the hell are you doing?" I ask and having a hard time keeping my amusement out of my voice. Apparently her gun is no longer in the cookie jar in the kitchen, but next to her bed. "Babe?" I question when she doesn't answer me. "Babe...I am going to come around the corner, don't shoot!" I hold up my hands and carefully poke around the corner. The gun is still pointed in my direction, but her hands are shaking like crazy. "It's okay...it is just me...please put the gun down."

She still isn't saying anything. So I carefully step closer and closer until I am by her side. "Babe" I say softly, place my hand on the gun and remove it from her hold. I take her chin and turn her head, so she is looking at me.

"I...I let...I let you go...I said good...goodbye" And my heart shatters to pieces. With one swift move, I pull her onto my lap, with the covers still around her and crush her into my embrace. "I said...Ohhh nooo...I said goodbye...this isn't real...how is this real?"

"Shhh...everything is going to be fine." I tell her over and over again, while her tears are soaking my black v-neck pullover. At some point the sitting position we are in get's very uncomfortable, so I pull my shoes of with one hand and lie us both down onto the bed. Babe puts her head on my shoulder and drapes an arm over my chest, while my arm easily wraps around her, pulling her even closer. "I am sorry You had to go through all of this. I am sorry to have put you through all of that pain, but I am never going to leave you again. I am done with missions."

Even after that she is still not saying anything, so I just relax and close my eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Steph's POV**

I wrap my giant grey, knitted cardigan tighter around me, grab my Rangemen mug filled with coffee and make my way back towards my bedroom. The sight that greets me makes my heart skip a few beats. I lean against the door frame and just stare at him.

When I woke up around midday, I thought it had all been a dream, but when I turned around, I came face to face with the man who has been haunting my dreams for what seems like forever. I smile at the memory of his face when I shot at him this morning. He certainly did not expect that and I am just glad no one called the cops.

With a sigh I lean my head against the door frame too and take a sip of coffee. The taste of it on my tongue automatically making me more alert. Ranger looks skinnier, but is head and face look like they were recently shaved. Apart from that, everything about him seems the same, but I assume that in his head and under those clothes he has fresh scars.

"You are staring Babe" His sleep roughened voice makes me jerk away from the door frame and spill some of my coffee on the ground. When I look at him, his eyes are open and he is spotting a lazy smile. "You are a sight for sore eyes."

I feel myself blush and look at my feet, only to discover that they are in dire need of a manicure. Actually my whole body is due for an overhaul. My hair needs trimming, I need to shave nearly every part of my body and my fingernails have been chewed into oblivion thanks to the worrying I have been doing. In short, I look like a mess.

"You are beautiful just like you are" My head snaps up and I meet his eyes again. Did I say that out loud? "I could see those wheels turning hard. You could not look any sexier right now...well maybe if you were naked."

"RANGER!" I blush even more and hide my face under my free hand. I hear him get out of bed and almost silently walk towards me. He is like a freaking Ninja.

"It is just me Babe." He draws my hand away from my face, forcing me to look at him. My heart beating a mile a minutes just from his touch. "Do you want me to lie? Haven't we done this enough in the past?"

"You are right. Don't lie." I agree with a nod.

"I won't, unless it is in favour of saving your life" Ranger steps even closer and I can feel his breath on my cheek. "I have recently discovered that life is way too short" Don't speak Steph, don't you dare open that mouth. And keep those stupid tears at bay _._ "And I do not want to leave this world with any regrets. So, there are a few things I need to tell you."

"Do you want some coffee for that?" I question trying to draw this out a little longer. I don't want him to explain the contents of the box, I don't want him to reveal his feelings, because if he does there will be no turning back. Despite this being what I have wanted for a long time, the stupid voice in my head won't stop telling me that I will screw this up, that it will end badly like my other relationships.

Ranger just chuckles. "I wouldn't mind some coffee, as long as it does not come from Venezuela."

"Nope, Columbian." I reply and step away from him, missing his touch already. Then it hits me what he said. Venezuela. I won't pry, because I know he won't tell me anything anyways, but I assume that is where he has been.

Once Ranger has a mug of coffee in his hand as well, we sit down at my kitchen table with a box of Ella's Christmas cookies between us. "Urggg I missed these." Ranger groans when he bites into one. I just raise an eyebrow in question and take another sip of my coffee. "If you ever tell this to anyone in the office, I will have to kill you." Ranger threatens with a smile playing at his lips. "These are my only vice. Aunt Ella makes the best cookies and she usually keeps the stash in my office drawer filled from Mid-November till New Year's Eve." That makes me laugh out loud. So he hides cookies like I hide tasty cakes in my Rangemen drawer. The only difference is that everyone unofficially knows I have them.

When I stop laughing, I find him looking at me with a smile of his own. "I missed your laugh." is the only thing he says before munching down three more cookies. If he keeps saying stuff like this, I may need him to me bring me to the hospital for irregular heart rhythms.

"Where do you have the box?" He questions suddenly, looking around my kitchen.

"Under the Christmas Tree" I answer, but before I can even get half of that sentence out, he is already out of his chair and disappeared into the living room. He comes back seconds later, with the box in hand.

He sits back down, opens the box and pulls out the passports and marriage certificates. Without a warning he just dives into the topic, leaving me no choice but to listen. "I had these made for a selfish and a selfless reason. The selfish reason is that I could take you with me on the run if I ever had to do so again." he explains. "It is well known, as much as Hector tries to hide the electronic evidence of this, that I am closer to you than any other female in my life. In the case that I am dead and my enemies come looking for you, you could take these and go on the run on your own. This is the selfless reason. No one knows about these, you could disappear and never to be heard of again. Fitting to each of these passports are credit cards, bank accounts and so on, so you wouldn't have to worry about anything."

"You really thought this through…" I comment and take another sip from my mug, overwhelmed with what he has just revealed. He always thinks of my safety, of what I need.

"After the Abruzzi thing, I started to plan for every eventuality and after Scrog, I had us fake married on all documents. That way you would have access to all my assets and would not denied a penny of my will under my fake identities." Ranger admits, shrugs and takes out the jewellery boxes.

Before he can continues, I have to ask "You have a will for each of your fake identities and they all have me as a benefactor?"

"Yes" He simply states.

"Ranger that is insane" I exclaim and look at him as if he is crazy. "What about Julie, what about the core team?"

"They all are factored in" He answers matter of factly. "Babe you are important to me and have been for a very long time. So of course I would see to it that you would be sorted after I am gone."

"Your attorney didn't reach out to me" I point out.

"I left instructions for my lawyer and one of the, was that you would only be notified a couple of days before the meeting. I know how you get, you would dwell on it too much." Ranger shrugs. We sit in silence for a moment, him waiting me out and me trying to wrap my head around what he just said.

Eventually Ranger starts speaking again. He opens the box with the Pandora Bracelet and carefully takes it out. "This was supposed to be your Birthday present this year. I saw this at the Mall, when Julie was over last, and I knew I had to get it for you. And since we are being honest, I have more jewellery for you than what is in this box. These items are the most important ones, but over the years I have picked up pieces from all over the world I thought you might like. When you come to my house I will show them to you."

 **Ranger's POV**

When I lift my eyes from the bracelet and look at her, I have to supress the urge to laugh. The look on her face is just priceless. "You do have a batcave?" She questions.

"I just told you I have much more jewellery for you and you focus on the fact that I have a place to live apart from the seventh floor in Rangemen?" I chuckle.

"I wanna see it" She says and almost jumps out of her chair.

"Babe, we have more..."

"Don't care, I want to see your house, then we can talk." Babe insists and is already grabbing her keys, phone and coat. She looks back at me with a look that tells me that I better get a move on or else.

I shake my head and laugh. This woman. Procrastinating and denial land are her specialty. I have a feeling she wants to delay discussing the other objects in the box as much as possible, so I let her. Maybe this talk will be easier when she sees the 'batcave'.

* * *

20 minutes later I pull up in front of my gate. After entering the code and verifying it with my fingerprint, the iron doors automatically open. Babe hasn't said anything the whole drive, but I can tell she can barely contain her excitement. On our way out I had grabbed the other two jewellery boxes and the envelope, now resting the the pockets of my cargo pants, hoping I will get to tell her the rest once I have shown her around the estate, which is located at the end of the cul-de-sac in Shara Lane. I chose this property partially because of its seize and partially because this is as secluded as I can get and still be close to the Rangemen Office.

"Do you know your neighbours?" Steph ask and turns her neck to look at the other houses.

"I have never met the people that live on my street, nor do I care to." I admit and drive slowly through the gate. "There are three other, albeit smaller properties in this Lane and a background search told me they would never want to meet me either." I shrug. "One is a defence attorney working for a law firm that mainly deals with white collar criminals and who can pay their exuberant hourly rates. The second one is an international arms dealer, who bought the property under a shell corporation and the third one is a CIA operative, who may or may not be in bed with the arms dealer. The background search didn't show any links, but I have a gut feeling." I inform her and almost laugh at the expression on her face.

"You are kidding right?"

"Nope" I smile "And as long as they don't bring their work home, I will not care about what they do. They all have families, their children attend a local private school and each property is so fortified that you barely can hear anything."

"Huh….How big is your place?" Steph asks. You can't see the building from the gate, thanks to the winding driveway and strategically planted trees, which were already here when I bought the place

"0.8 hectare" I answer and from my peripheral vision I can see her head whip around so fast, that I am afraid she will strain it.

"That is huge" She exclaims and turns back around when my house comes into view.

"Most of it is covered in forest" I inform her when I park in front of my garage, which is to the left side of the house. I get out of the car and wait for her to meet me at the back of my Carrera, which was dropped off by Manny sometime last night, with a note ' _Good to have you home Boss_ '. I will never admit that that note stirred a bit of emotion within me when I read it. It is good to be home.

"Ranger, this place is amazing" Steph stares in awe at the two storey grey stone house, with dark brown, wood looking windows. The previously wooden windows had to be replaced, since they were old and these babies ate top of the line and security wise the best thing out there. The look on Steph's face now, while she is staring at the building, is reason number three, why I bought this place. I knew she would love it.

"Come on, I will show you around" I tell her and drag her to the front door. We both take of our shoes off next to the door and before she can look around, I bypass the staircase in front of us that leads to the bedrooms, and guide her into my office which is located to the right before the stairs, facing the driveway. My office looks empty, since I am rarely here. It only consists of a simple desk and a chair facing the window and a computer. The walls painted white and are otherwise bare.

"Your Rangemen office looks better than this rooms" Steph comments. She is right, it does.

"I am rarely here. Always work at Rangemen, so it hasn't bothered me too much." Through the office I lead her to the library, which faces the back to the property and has floor to ceiling dark wooden bookcases. In front of the floor to ceiling windows is the most comfortable, dark red couch I could find. "I didn't know you were a reader." Steph comments and instantly walks over to my book collection.

"When I have time I do, but most of these I haven't actually read yet." I tell her and step close to her. "I always loved the idea of a library in my own house and when a book store in Trenton was closing down, I bought their books."

"Of course you would just buy the whole store, instead of gradually adding to your collection" She shakes her head with amusement. "That would also explain the kids and fairy-tale section over there." Steph chuckles and points at the very colourful section. I am not going to tell her that I bought these with our kids in mind, if we ever choose to have some. I might save that for a later date, wouldn't want to scare her off.

"Come on, there is much more to see." I hold out my hand to her and she takes it without hesitation. I squeeze it lightly and drag her to the large chalet style living room next door, which is the main focus of the house and takes up most of the ground floor. The exposed grey stones and wood ceiling beams, give the place a warm, yet rustic feeling. It has a fireplace and large floor to ceiling windows that open up onto the wooden deck, which runs along the whole back of the house and provides a great view of the forest.

"I am surprised that this is not all stainless steel and black and grey tones" Babe muses and runs her free hand along the cream coloured, L-shaped couch, which faces the fireplace, and surveys the wooden flooring. "But I can see you didn't hand in you man card completely" Steph teases when she spots the beamer and retractable screen mounted to the ceiling.

"When you have such a large room, you cannot have a tiny screen to watch football on" I tell her matter of factly and drag her towards the left side of the living room, which has a smaller ceiling and serves as the dining room, with a large black wooden table and eight chairs, which I have not used once since I moved in here. I pull her through the swinging door and into the kitchen.

"My mother would faint if she could see this" Steph laughs. The kitchen, like the living room, is the rustic kind. The floor, like the walls, are from natural stones. Cupboards, fronts and the kitchen island are dark brown and out of wood, matching the exposed wooden ceiling. The table, which overlooks the backyard is also the same colour. The only stainless steel items in this room are the stove, oven and fridge. I have a custom made pizza oven as well and the room also connects to what the real estate agent called the entertainment area, but really is nothing more than a sitting area on the deck, overlooking the small lake behind the house.

"I will be sure to have a stiff drink to hand, should she ever come around." I smile and pull her through the door on the right side of the room. The door hides a spiralling staircase that either takes you up to the bedrooms or to the 'cellar'.

"When I bought this house, the lower lever was all closed off to the backyard." I inform her, when we get to the bottom of the steps, which is right in the entertainment room. The room itself looks like a man cave, with heavy leather chairs, a billiard table, a dart board, a wet bar and a massive 110 inch TV. But the floor to ceiling windows open up and in summer this is a great place to have a BBQ. "I got it opened up and made them put in a stone patio with a fireplace." And the whole time I imagined Babe being here with me.

"So where are you hiding your guns?" she smiles cheekily.

"If I told you, I would have to kill you" I grin, but point to the door on the far end anyways.

"I bet it holds enough firepower to invade a small country" Steph smiles.

"Being in the Special Forces, Running a Security company and the second amendment are three beautiful things." I grin at her. "Come on I haven't shown you the best part yet."

I bring her all the way up the stairs to the second floor, where the bedrooms are located. This house has three bedrooms, each of which has its own bathroom. "Right under the roof there is enough space to make another bedroom, but I have had a reason to do so yet." I explain when we make our way down to the master bedroom, which is located right above the living room.

I grin when her face breaks out in a smile. The master bedroom has three mocha latte painted walls and the fourth the exposed stone. That wall has the fireplace and right above a mounted TV. The King Size box bed, beneath which are stored a couple of guns, is opposite of the fireplace and beneath the large windows stand couple of light grey couch chairs.

I take her hand and pull her through the walk in closet to the master bathroom, which is the only place in the house that has really dark features. The focus of the room is a large white bathtub. The floor tiles as well as the tiles on the walls next to the shower are black and the remaining walls are painted grey. The bathroom cabinets and sinks are all white.

"You had a decorator do this?" Babe questions and looks at me through the mirror above the sink that hangs on the wall in front of us.

"I had some suggestions, but mostly it was me and Pinterest" I divulge.

"Did you just say Pinterest?" Steph whips around and looks at me with a look that tells me that she does not believe me.

"It is an addiction" I nod. I am not lying. Julie suggested it to me, when I bought this place five years ago, and together we put this house together nicely.

"You keep surprising me Batman" Steph grins.

"Are you ready to talk yet?" I ask carefully, trying to gauge her mood.

"Ranger…"

"No, Babe, we have to talk about this." I tell her sternly and tug her back to the bedroom and motion for her to sit down on the bed. When she does, my heart stops for a second. How long have I been waiting to see this? It seems like forever. "What are you afraid of?" I ask and retrieve the two boxes and picture from my cargo pants pockets.

"All of this" She whispers and pulls her feet up and under her. "If this is real and I screw this up, I not only lose my best friends but also…."

When she doesn't continue I remind her "No lies". I take her hand in mine and I pull my feet up as well, so that I now completely face her.

She takes a deep breath and says "But also the love of my life." And there goes my heart and mind. Without thinking, I grab her face and pull her in for a kiss. Just a simple one, without tongue, but my lips on hers feel right and I would love to continue, but instead I regain control over most of my body and pull away.

I lift the picture and show it to her. "Lester sent this to me and told me to get my head out of my ass" That makes Babe laugh. "He told me that I could deny my feeling all I wanted, but my eyes in this picture showed a different picture….he was right."

"I love this picture." Babe takes it out of my hands and stares at it.

I let her for a few minutes, before I continue. "You were wrong about these though" I tell her and open the box with the two rings, not giving her a chance to answer. "These are not for your fake identities and marriage licences. This one is a promise ring" I take out the simple rose gold and silver band, which has our meeting date engraved. "I was going to give you this, once we finally were able to start our someday. The date engraved, which I am sure you figured out, is the day we met...the date my life changed forever. I knew it the moment I sat down in Pino's that life as I knew it would be over and I was right." I hand her the ring and take out the engagement ring.

"This is the one I was going to give you, when I would finally asked you to marry me." I stare down at the ring, which I picked out some time ago. "I love you Steph and I don't want to spend the rest of my life living without you, but I also know that today is too early to ask you this question, but if you still want this as much as I do, wear these rings as a promise. A promise of a future with me."

Finally I look up, to find her just staring at me. I wait and wait some more, but she isn't saying anything. "Babe?" I ask and that seems to shake her out of wherever she just went and a smile spreads over her face.

"We have to get you a ring too" is the only thing she says, before sliding the promise ring on her right pointy finger and the engagement ring to her right hand ring finger.

"We can arrange that" I smile and lace my fingers with her. "They look good on you."

"They are stunning." Babe looks down at her hand and her smile widens. "I will have to get a chain for when I am working, so I can wear them around my neck. I don't ever want to take them off." My heart skips another beat at her words. We are finally doing this.

"We will take it slow...go out for dinner, to the movies...you know stuff that normal people do on dates" I say.

"But that is not us. Maybe we should hunt some skips and go to the gun range instead." She suggests with a cheeky grin.

"Seems like a good idea as any" I shrug pull her in for another kiss.


End file.
